Uncategorized26 Nov 2006 10:52 pm

I’m feeling this way lately. Attacked, beseiged, put upon by circumstances. I’m sure this is a result of great spiritual growth, but it feels like I can’t do anything right. I’m:

  • jumping to conclusions and getting angry, particularly in a precarious important relationship that God wants me to fix
  • impatient with both my kids (age 3 and 1)
  • snapping and fighting a lot with hubby
  • cursing out drivers
  • pitying myself
  • complaining A LOT
  • falling off the wagon of repentance

Just to name a few.  OK, that’s most of it.  Went out and got drunk and saw a comedy that was raunchy last night and it didn’t feel right – it was a date with hubby.  That part was awesome but I just felt icky afterwards.

What do we do when we are failing, failing, failing?  Do we repetitively ask forgiveness?  I do, but you wonder if it’s gotten cheap or irritating to God.  Does He think, you can do better, so just DO it already.

I’ve come to this conclusion: Spending the year without a group Bible study was a bad idea.  Not reaching out for a prayer partner or mentor was a bad idea.  Not being more actively generous with my time was a bad idea.  These are true defenses against the darkness and I need to rectify them.

Ok, I’ll do better tomorrow with God’s help.

One Response to “Beseiged”

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