I’m feeling this way lately. Attacked, beseiged, put upon by circumstances. I’m sure this is a result of great spiritual growth, but it feels like I can’t do anything right. I’m:
- jumping to conclusions and getting angry, particularly in a precarious important relationship that God wants me to fix
- impatient with both my kids (age 3 and 1)
- snapping and fighting a lot with hubby
- cursing out drivers
- pitying myself
- complaining A LOT
- falling off the wagon of repentance
Just to name a few. OK, that’s most of it. Went out and got drunk and saw a comedy that was raunchy last night and it didn’t feel right – it was a date with hubby. That part was awesome but I just felt icky afterwards.
What do we do when we are failing, failing, failing? Do we repetitively ask forgiveness? I do, but you wonder if it’s gotten cheap or irritating to God. Does He think, you can do better, so just DO it already.
I’ve come to this conclusion: Spending the year without a group Bible study was a bad idea. Not reaching out for a prayer partner or mentor was a bad idea. Not being more actively generous with my time was a bad idea. These are true defenses against the darkness and I need to rectify them.
Ok, I’ll do better tomorrow with God’s help.
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