What Next, God?

I’m sorry I haven’t written so long, but I’ve been working, parenting, and even writing. I’m facing a conundrum, and I’m not sure what to do.

My beloved pastor is leaving my former beloved church – for one year – and we are going there a lot to say goodbye. He expects us to continue attending monthly – no more than that, and I wish I could go every Sunday but that’s impractical in so many ways (it’s an hour away).

So we tried the nearby Wesleyan, and we felt a lot of love there and a need for growth. The problem was the sermons didn’t reach me. At ALL. They felt childish – ok, you can call that hubris, but at a certian spiritual level you need a certain amount of nourishment. So Pastor L suggested we try this other church I’d mentioned before we left, and we went. It was great – a certain lack of community, maybe, smaller than the other church, and nearly impossible for me to reach at this point since I haven’t learned highway driving yet. (I’m from NYC, driving is an OPTION there, so I didn’t get my license until less than 2 years ago.)

Trouble is the new church called (AND sent a card). They are having evening growth groups for families with kids similar ages, and vacation bible school in July, and they want us back. New church hasn’t contacted us at all, while the other church keeps at it. New church is much more liberal – first time there, pastor did a George W. Bush joke. TOTALLY up my alley, and personally, I’m again starting to get repelled by Christians who believe that God started this awful Iraqi war and don’t question our ‘great’ leader just because he’s (allegedly) a conservative Christian.

What do I do?? Go for like-minded but mostly inaccessible (at this point) church, or go for nearby and welcoming (or is it stalking??)? I’m REALLY interested in finding people who can help me on my Christian path, but won’t stick their hand in my face because I believe that you are born gay, or that Clinton really WAS a good president, or that abortion is more of a grey issue than black and white.

I must not be too smart. A few years back, a Christian friend from, I believe, the UK, heard me blogging on my parenting blog about my spiritual confusion and fear of Christianity, and she recommended I find a Unitarian Universalist church.

Well, I looked but none were to be found in my very rural area. At that time, too, God had plans to put me into a conservative, right-wing, loved-filled, Holy Spirit enthused church. They welcomed me (and my rebellious ways) with open arms and zero condemnation, and I had to rewrite all the left-wing condemnation and prejudice I had learned about conservatives. I’m sure that was his purpose, and some of my closest friends now are people who have a 180 degree view on life, God and politics than I do. Now THAT is a miracle!

We’ve been bouncing between churches and hiking back to our old church from time to time (Pastor Lenny MADE us promise to return monthly). But I’ve felt something missing. I made one Christian connection here that I was excited about but had to let go. I’m enjoying the new church but it’s far and I’m so uncertain.

Addofio had recommended a book called “If Grace is True: How God Saves Everyone” (IGIT), and I read an expcerpt, was intrigued, put it on my wish list for when I had some dough, got “What’s so amazing about grace” first, read it, FINALLY got grace, then went back to my list, and saw IGIT, looked up the chapters, saw universalism, looked it up, found a site, and here I am AGAIN back at Unitarian Universalism.

Which is exactly the sort of thing I think I want.  Because my days on The Path to Perfection are not behind me.  And I simply cannot believe that God condemns anyone PERMANENTLY to hell (not true on the Path either), still believe in successive lives, still struggle with the divinity of Christ, can’t find a church that DOESN’T take the bible literally and inerrantly, and still think we need to have perfection.

I may be wrong here.  The Lord has to lead, but I must say, He’s done an amazing job of leading since I learned to shut up and ask for help.