If you’ve been reading my Mom-Blog, you’ll know that my family has been extremely ill the last few weeks. Viruses, ear infections, sinus attacks and pinkeye have run rampant between my husband, my 2 kids, and me. Well, I think I’ve mentioned before that my own personal sin and temptation attacks most strongly when I am sick. I’m sure that part of that has to do with being weaker of will when we don’t feel good.
At any rate, I went for several days in a row of excruciating pain, plus body aches, sore throat, and runny nose. I managed to avoid my sin for a while, but I didn’t think I had enough willpower for much more illness. So when I started to think the pain was receding, I got pinkeye. (The kids had it forever without me getting it, so it was weird.) That was only uncomfortable for one day, and the following day I felt much better – weak, but better. That night I got attacked by sinus allergies, painful ones. My temptation was not over, it seemed.
In fact, I got these horrible attacks for the next few nights. It occurred to me, at some point, that these were not exactly attacks but more like tests – a la Job. I had gone through a week of illness and fought the temptations with worship – even through my pain – and they were not done yet. I felt as if the devil were somewhere going, “God, one more day – one more night – she’ll fall, you’ll see!” In thinking that, it gave me more courage to try and succeed.
I’m happy to say that I pulled it out. In fact the last time I considered my temptation it had barely any attraction at all.
You may think this is no biggie, but for me, it is. It’s something I’ve been battling since my youth and to me, that is an awesome victory. But it’s not mine, it’s God’s. He helped me pull this out. It was His Voice in the back of my head, night after night, saying (softly) we can we this, you and I. Hang in there.
I hope I don’t get tested for a while but I’m a realist and I know that to stay on this path accurately, more tests need to come. I will take them as they rise.