FAITH IS HARD
Sometimes when you’re waiting on something, faith gets hard.
Or impossible.
God has been helping us the last few months take care of 2 mortgages, because we still haven’t sold our old home. Now August looms with no way to make payment in site, and only one home offer – 10% below the asking price. Are they serious?
I’ve been losing heart over this, quite a bit. In fact, this weekend we saw my family and I forgot to add to Chris’ story the line I’ve been adding for months: “Really, we’re paying one mortgage and God’s paying the other.”
ANGRY WITH GOD
Have I lost faith? I don’t see any answer. So tonight I was very down on myself and told off God. Down to the wire – why does it always have to be this way? Why? Why can’t it either just be ok or be horrible? Hope is very painful when it comes down to this. I have not been able to bring the money in the last few weeks like normal, and never mind mortgage, there are bills too. I’m terrified and can’t see a way out or around or under or anything.
I know God can still come through, but I’m too tired. I feel like Cinderella – why do I always need God to be a like a knight in shining armor? This is not what I want.
CONFUSION
In fact, I’ve had a really hard time hearing God despite daily prayer and Bible readings. I don’t know what He wants of me, at all, anymore. I’m very very lost, and being lost causes me great pain, even more than loneliness. I’m not sure where to go, what to do, and this is all I’m sure of.