Today I watched “Oprah” – it was about dying, or rather, lessons to learn from people who are dying. I only saw the second half, with the university professor, and it did seem to me that he sort of had life all wrapped BEFORE he was given his “departure notice”.

The reason I was enthralled watching this episode today was that God has been giving me lessons about dying lately. Before you all start to worry, please recall that my mother is very close to the end with her Alzheimers. It seems (to me) that she is getting more sick, more infections, and she is asleep virtually 24 hours a day, jerking in annoyance if your presence disturbs her. It may be that God is preparing me for this, because at nearly age 42, I have only lost my 2 grandmothers (grandfathers were passed before I was born) and my aunt. A few married in uncles too, and an uncle in law, but honestly no one I was all that close with.

I’ve also been giving it a lot of thought because practicing Christianity the one thing you notice is the emphasis given to afterlife as opposed to this life. I am actually starting to see the sense in that, the realization that this life can never TRULY make you happy, and with this realization is coming – ironically – happiness.

But back to Oprah. This professor shared the points in life that he learned looking back – how to live, I’d say, without regret. It is something I’ve been learning a lot. It brings to mind Stephen Covey’s 1st habit, Begin with The End in Mind.

As in, THE end.

I had been reading this book on and off until last winter, but I could never really my mind around thinking about dying. Firstly, I have always been too afraid of dying. I am not afraid of the afterlife. It’s either paradise or successive lives, I believe, because I don’t think God would bring me this far to let me wander down to Hell. And, I am positive it exists, no doubt in my mind there. Rather, my fear has all come from the actual PHYSICAL act of dying. The older I get, the more I see that it’s few and far between that people die, shall we say, “comfortably”. Excruciating pain seems more likely. And as I’ve mentioned before, pain is not something I can deal with…I nearly fainted at my mammogram this week, nuf said!

Secondly, I’m very tied to life. I LOVE life. I love all the stuff around, gee wiz, I even love the drama and the pain at times.

So the though of picturing my funeral, as Covey’s book advises, makes me squirm. Just couldn’t do it, not a bit.

Then a few months ago, I went to the funeral of a good friend’s father. This man, unbeknownst to me, was 90. In the family’s opinion, he had died too soon. In fact, they LOVED him, adored him, missed him, and had NOTHING but happiness in their expressions as they recalled him.

And a weird thing happened: I started picturing my own end, and coveting how loved he was. You don’t get that kind of affection unless you are very loving, giving, and affectionate yourself. Stephen Covey had made his point.

Then I read about this book, “90 Minutes in Heaven”. I like reading other people’s near death experiences, since I had nearly died back when I had my stroke, although I had no “other side” experiences. This is a book about a man who was dead for 90 minutes and experienced heaven. I read it on the plane, and that was a good thing – takeoffs always make me worry about death (especially having seen “Final Destination”), and one thing I took away from the book is that the experience of death will seem like a moment compared to whatever awaits afterward. In that one plane trip, all my fears of dying seem to evaporate.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with having enough time to do things, but now I feel that is not an issue. Maybe I will never get to see Italy or the Grand Canyon or complete my novel or what have you, but I think I will have what time I need.

I don’t think I need anything more.