What Next, God?

Ok, so I need help. Literally.

As mentioned last time, God is pressing on me to be more generous. The problem is I don’t know how. I cannot give financially. I have no time. I tried using my popular blog and want to do that again, but I’m lost.

I want to do something grand and sweeping, but the little things hang me up.

And this is my failing. I know, I know, “don’t let your left hand know what you’re right hand is doing”, but I’m big on asking for help, so I’ve sent out some emails asking how I can help. So will it even count?

I’ve wanted to do this for so long, but greed is stronger than you can imagine. We can’t discount the outside forces either. My husband, a wonderful man, but he does not embrace this philosophy. I guess from his background, holding on tightly is what he believes works.

I believe that holding on tightly is the best way to ensure what you have will slip through your fingers.

I try to convince him and that blows up into an argument, usually in front of the kids, and the person who’s WRONG in those arguments is always me. I turn into a grade-A bitch, and then my quest for generosity ultimately leads to sin.

I stupidly mentioned to someone something I wanted to give to a struggling family (why?? why did I do that??) and this person piped up that they wanted what I was giving, something I know they have and while I talked them out of it, I’m not sure if to be a blessing means I should have just given it to them.

And of course, I discussed it so there goes anonymity.

FEELING STUPID. How can a simple act of blessing someone become so complicated? What kind of creatures are we to struggle so poignantly for stuff we don’t need, while others are desperate for a little generosity?

At CHRISTMAS. Pray for me. As you can tell, I need it!

I’ve been in Bible study at my too-conservative church for 3 weeks now, and for the first time, I’m hearing people feel out contradictions in the Bible.

For people who believe the Bible is verbotim, that is, that each and every story in actually happened, this is somewhere between devastating & scary to terribly confusing.

I do not, however, take it that way. Even if the Bible is the inerrant word of God, why does it have to be literal?

Let’s take the story of Noah. Forget that it’s kind of technically impossible, or that there’s no scientific evidence, or even that it could have happened on a small scale (a riverbed overflowing a coastal town, all the animals owned by Noah’s family on the ark, etc.). What about the idea of the much older, Sumerian tale about a man named Noah, a shipbuilder, who packed all his animals on an ark to flee a town? Or that every culture has it’s own “world destroyed by flood story”?

So when inconsistencies are seen by literal believers, it’s a big deal.

I’m not a literal believer, and yet, I’m more of a true believer day by day. There is a reason for this. I’m a fiction writer and a fan of intelligent literature. (Example: I am thoroughly loving “Middlemarch” by George Eliot right now, and “To Kill A Mockingbird” is one of my favorite books.) As such, I do think that great literature can teach us many important truths. I work better with intelligent answers and responses, so it’s true for me.

For me, the use of metaphor is more beautiful and can better illustrate abstract concepts. I realize that the Bible was written in times when people were illiterate and learned with stories. I’m not saying I’m dumb, what I am saying is that the ability of our 3-dimensional minds can better grasp the deeper truth of the Divine with an illustration.

It’s like fine art. Some people will only see the surface painting, others will grasp an emotion, and still others can eloquently speak on what the painter was trying to convey…all while like at the same painting. I feel it’s the same with literature, and equally, the same with spiritual truths. What you get from the Bible depends on where you are at in your walk with God.

What’s your take?

Listening to the Contemporary Christian channel on Pandora.com and there is a great big ad for the new season of “Californication” picturing David Duchovny stuck between 2 super-young looking butts in itty bitty shorts.

Doesn’t Pandora have this relevant ad thing worked out yet???

I’ve updated my Gog Blog. Hallelujah! This theme works for me for now, but since I am a web designer, you know it won’t last. At least I’m on the latest WP, and auto-backup and upgrade are installed (sweated thru this install!)

Some new posts I’ll be blogging about:
-4 churches to choose from
-separation of state and politics

and a few others. Namaste, people!