What Next, God?

I wanted to post this right after seeing the Larry King episode with the Chapman family, and then after hearing about John Edward’s infidelity, but suddenly a week has gone by and here I am late. These incidents are related in my opinion because they both deal with living a life of true faith within the pressures of real life.

They are different because they demonstrate a failure and a success.

I’m discussing these issues because my life of faith has been tested, hard, repetitively, and recently. I know I came out a success but I’m all too aware how easy it is to fail when the pressure is on.

I’d like to talk about the Chapmans. In case you don’t know their story, Stephen is a famous Christian artist. They have 6 children and in May, one of their sons ran over and killed their 5 year old daughter. On the Christian station I listen to, they portray them as 100% secure in God, in their faith and accepting of their disaster…but, I heard one clip where I thought I heard Stephen’s voice falter.

I don’t mean to belittle them. To be frank, I was kind of knocked out by them, they are amazing and especially amazing is how their children are handling the tragedy. That is pure faith, but I MOST touched by Stephen recalling holding his daughter’s body and saying some prayer like, “Don’t ask this of us.” Even with pure faith, we can still ask that this cup be taken from us.

For me, as much faith and fall backwards type trust I put in God through my through my own recent trials, I wished I could stop thinking, “Oh to have faith like that…” Because I knew it would result in more trials, and today, it did…it hasn’t come yet, but it may come very soon. And I’m scared, but I know God is with me because He’s been more than a voice in my ear or a tug on my heart. He’s taken me over when I just couldn’t deal anymore…and He made it ok.

I’m thinking every single day must be like that for the Chapmans. God has blessed them abundantly with strength and faith, may it never waiver.

But now, to John Edwards, who, as much as I could tell, lived his faith, and had a family of faith, a family that also lost a child, and yet, he failed by cheating on his wife. It seems she’s forgiven him, and God has as well, and his career is pretty much done for, so there are many consequences I’m sure to come, but I just was so disappointed. Does absolute power always corrupt absolutely? Bush, Clinton, Spitzer, McGreevey, Cheney, Rove, on and on…

In Jimmy Carter’s book, he discussed how incredibly difficult it was to remain true to your convictions and run the country, not just out of temptation but out of the sometimes necessity of compromise. Is it possible to have too much power to really remain firm in your convictions? Does the crushing pressure of public daily scrutiny and weighty responsibility leave more doors open to temptation?

I don’t know, but I do know that difficult times are not the times to start giving into temptation and yet they are times when it’s easiest to falter, even if God is at hand.

In light of my last post, I’ve been thinking a lot, and it occurred to me that through valleys of doubt, my relationship with God nearly always improves. And while I am in a significant area of skepticism right now, it’s a different kind of doubt – my faith in God Himself is still strong, it’s just the method of being a spiritual person that is dogging me. I hunger for the Real Truth, and i know that it’s something none of us will ever know in this plane of existence, unless of course the Path to Perfection is true and we become perfect while living.

That is something I’m so far away from. And I realized this morning that doubt CAN lead to sin, but it doesn’t have to. While we are in times of doubt, we need to hold tightly to our principles and to the faith that we have retained. We need to embrace our doubt to grow, but if we embrace it too tightly then either our ourselves, or others, or the Enemy can get in and cause the doubt to eradicate our morals.

Then I thought that maybe this IS part of my calling: to write to those who are disenchanted with their religions, that have found their spiritual selves growing outside the box of truth they’ve been following and to encourage them to hold on to their values. Even in the worst storm, your soul does not lose the truth it knows.